ON A WHIM

Linda Lee Miller Timmons
August 10, 1965-July 28, 2009

I originally contemplated whether or not I should post about my Aunt's death, but I decided I had to. Most of this is for me to express my feelings and for myself and my family to remember. I mean no disrespect of any kind to anyone. I am grieving in my own way.

When you get that call, the one that makes your heart stop a little, it changes things. Whether in a small or big way it changes things. My mom called me Tuesday night to tell me the news. My brother and Shane sat on the couch anxious to hear the news that made my voice so shrill. The next few days seem like a blur- crying, staying up way too late and trying to make any sense of the situation. It was comforting to be with my family, but even that was hard as emotions were raw and overwhelming. I felt physically and emotionally drained. It broke my heart to see my grandparents bury their daughter, for my mother and her siblings to say their last goodbyes, for Kaylee to tell me that Jesus loved Linda, but mostly my heart ached to see my cousins weep as they saw their mother in her coffin.

It sucks and I have no tears. Mostly I feel like I am just ignoring the subtle tears that are right on the edge of coming because I don't and can't deal with this. That is my way of dealing with anything too hard. I ignore it. Something like this though you can't ignore forever.

I have never understood depression, thankfully, because I have never felt its bitter sting. I know Linda lived in it every day. At times I know I got impatient and harsh because I so desperately wanted her to be happy and to feel the love we all had for her. I know it was deeper than any of us ever knew. I am not sure if there is anything we could have done and its hard when something like this happens because you question everything just trying to make sense of it.It's hard to hear, "We are sorry for your loss." We didn't lose her, we just couldn't keep her here anymore. All I do know is that she is gone. Regardless of words unsaid or deeds undone she is gone from this earthly life. You can never go back, only forward. Now I put my faith in Christ. He, with his perfect love and judgment, can heal our hearts. I am having a hard time dealing with this all and I can only imagine my family's heartache. In my grief I have experienced anger and bitterness, remorse and pain. I pray now that I can feel peace and gain what I can from this experience. If nothing else this has taught me what is truly important in life and that I will never regret being loving and kind to anyone regardless the situation.

We will learn from this. We will grow from this. And if nothing else it will whip us into shape spiritually. Goodbye Linda Lee. I am sorry we could not fix your broken heart. Although I do not know all the answers I am comforted by the knowledge I have of our merciful Savior. God be with you till we meet again!

Her Obituary

Linda passed away unexpectedly July 28, 2009 in her home. Linda was the daughter of Thomas and Sharon Miller, the 3rd of 7 children. She was a devoted mother to Brandon (23), Brianne (20), Ashton (16), Hagan (15), and Ali (14). She was a beloved sister of Sherry, Thomas, Victoria, David, Jana and Joseph and their spouses. She was a favorite aunt to 39 nieces and nephews.

Linda was born in Salt Lake City August 10, 1965. She spent her youth in Oakley, Idaho where she attended school and graduated from Oakley High School. She attended Utah Valley University in Provo, Utah. After her marriage she lived in Durham, NC, Boston, MA, London England, Laguna Niguel, CA and Mapleton, Utah.

Linda was a dedicated, outstanding mother and homemaker. She was always outgoing, loving and had many friends. She was multitalented and graciously shared them with others. She will be sorely missed by her family and friends.